Why don't I write more often?

I ask myself this question all the time and don't have a great answer. I was in a writing group for years (love you Inkblots!) and that was a tremendous experience for me but when we sputtered out and went our separate ways, I just sort of put down my pen. Shame on me. I love to write. And I do write a lot for work but it's not the same as spending time baring part of your soul. I think one of my main problems is that what I really intended this blog to be, in the very beginning, was an outlet for me to seek revenge and wreak havoc on those who I feel let me down. Not petty grievances mind you - big, heavy, horrible can't-come-back from kind of relationship breakdowns were what I most wanted to focus on and unload on the unsuspecting world.

That's been several years ago now and I am 13% wiser and definitely older. I've forgiven scores of people who probably don't care whether I forgive them or not. They haven't apologized or asked for forgiveness but I waved the magic wand and relented, let go of all the rage that simmered beneath the surface. That doesn't mean we'll ever be reconciled (do NOT call me for coffee) but it does mean that no more of my energy or power goes into those sad stories or the people who helped write them.

And who really wanted to read those toxic tales anyway? Sure, some of them would have been would have been a fabulous reads but who is better at the end? I might have had a few tiny moments of glee upon hitting publish and sending that evil arrow out in the world, hoping it found it's intended target and left a mark but is that really the best I've got? The answer is no - I can and am doing better than that. I deleted all (most) of those little daggers and have moved on.

What I need to share is the outrageously great moments in my everyday life. I could have an entire volume called "Stupid Boy Tricks" because I've survived so many of those that I should win a tiara or tattoo or something. That is where the magic is and that is where I choose to dwell these days.

Think I'll try to start small and challenge myself to a single post a week. Given my track record since I started this blog, I'd predict epic failure but lately, I've been on a tear. I've gave up all candy for Lent (you can't really imagine how tough that is for me, as I sit and eat roll upon roll of Smarties as I write this), cleared the beds by the creek in the backyard, and completed the "30 Days of Abs" and "6 weeks to Stop Being a Slug" programs so I'm pretty hopped up on success.

Watch Out.